Failed Butt Trip: Oregon Vortex

While we were in Ashland, I read about a nearby attraction called the Oregon Vortex. I recalled that Mulder spoke of this mysterious anomaly on one of the episodes of X-Files and since “I want to believe,” I looked into it a little more. Here is what it says on the Oregon Vortex website.

“The Oregon Vortex is a glimpse of a strange world where the improbable is the commonplace and everyday physical facts are reversed. It is an area of naturally occurring visual and perceptual phenomena, which can be captured on film. No matter your education or profession you will find a challenge to all your accepted theories.”

Apparently, when you are at the vortex, reality and the laws of physics cease to exist. People’s heights change and perspectives are distorted. I looked at Marisa and said “What a wonderful butt trip opportunity.” Her eyes sparkled in anticipation. It made me love her even more.

The drive from Ashland to Gold Hills is about 45 minutes and while it was not across barren, featureless land, the kids were still bored. It seemed like a good start to another successful butt trip. Little did we know, that this would become a failed butt trip.

I didn’t look into the fee for entry and it turned out that it was like $12 per person for a 45 minute tour. A bit steep and way too expensive to be considered a butt trip. The tour was pretty good. There were plenty of optical illusions in what they claimed to be a vortex that distorted the laws of physics. We would stand up opposite to each other against some posts and our height looked the same, but then we would switch sides and it looked like one person would grow and one person would shrink. There were quite a few illusions here and I was pretty perplexed.

To be clear, I am a sucker for weird ideas, conspiracy theories, and paranormal phenomena. I tried hard to figure out how the optical illusions work but I was unable to wrap my head around what my eyes were seeing. I know there is some perspective stuff going on in the house of mystery but I was still perplexed

The Oregon Vortex costs more than it should, however my family thought it was unique and fun. I am glad we did it but it failed as a butt trip based on the following criteria.

  • It cost more than it should for a butt trip.

  • The kids enjoyed it.

  • There were no car breakdowns nor were there any character building opportunities.

In review the trip to the Oregon Vortex was a fail. It was pretty interesting and fun, and too expensive to be a butt trip. What was originally intended to be a butt trip was disqualified and a butt trip score can not be assigned.

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